


Dragon Age Holiday Special: Witch Hunt

by Nudeviking



Series: Dragon Age [3]
Category: Dragon Age: Origins
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-07
Updated: 2016-01-07
Packaged: 2018-05-12 07:56:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,845
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5658592
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nudeviking/pseuds/Nudeviking
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's a Christmas miracle as Odette Corvette and her new friends, Finn and Lego Lass, and her trusty dog, Doug, seek out an old friend...</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dragon Age Holiday Special: Witch Hunt

  
  
It was Christmas Eve and instead of chugging some sort of nog with Leliana, Odette found herself deep in the Wilds with Doug the Dog.  There had been reports of someone, a ladytype to be specific, creeping low and nasty around Flemith's love shack, and Odette was almost certain it was Sideboob.  Why Odette suddenly felt the need to track down Sideboob in spite giving the witch of the wilds her word that she would allow her to go her own way following the battle for Denerim, she could not truly say.  Perhaps she worried about Sideboob's infant.  Perhaps Sideboob was up to no good.  Who knew?

Whatever her reasons for seeking out Sideboob in the Wild were, Odette opened the door to the love shack...TIN ROOOOOOF!!!! RUSTED!!!...and inside she discovered, not a remarkable sideboob clad only in a child's bib, but rather a lady elf with two swords.  She was as surly as every Danish elf Odette had encountered and demanded to know who Odette was and why she was in Flemith's hut.  Odette explained that she was looking for her friend, Sideboob, and had thus come to the shack.  The lady elf, who introduced herself as Lego Lass, said that Sideboob had visited her tribe a couple months ago and stole a book from the Danish elves.

"Oh that sucks," Odette said, "I know how nuts you guys get about your lore and books and history and shit.  I knew this one lady elf...she had a much nicer rack than you...anyway she was always going on and on about not knowing any good fairy tales or something, so I gave her a notebook and told her, 'You can write about your adventures in here and then maybe in the future your descendants will turn you into a legendary hero,' and she basically had an orgasm over it.  It was a Maker damned marble composition notebook..."

"Um...I don't really see what that has to do with the plot I'm trying to tell you," Lego Lass said, "Ours was a book about ancient magicks...without that book those magicks will be lost to our people forever."

"Should have made a copy," Odette said.

"Yes, well it's a little late for that now.  Anyway the book was about some kind of elf word.  Sideboob seemed very interested in it."

"That's cool.  So you want to team up to find this book?" Odette asked.

"Sure.  Maybe if we went to the Tower of Wizard shit they'd have a book that could help us figure out what we're supposed to be doing," Lego Lass said.

"Sounds good," Odette said, "It's been awhile since I've seen my friends Winnie Cooper and Dagna the Dwarven Wizard anyway.  I'm sure they'll help us out!  C'mon let's hit the bricks and go to the Tower of Wizard Shit!"

  
  
"Um...what do you want?" some stupid jerk Templar asked.

"Yo, where's that other guy...Greg the Templar?" Odette asked, "You know what?  Never mind.  We need some books...I'm a god damn Grey Warden so you can't tell me no."

The stupid jerk Templar was like, "Look I'm not a racist, but that Dane is pretty shifty looking don't you think?"

"Fuck you mang, she's with me and she's pretty alright.  I mean Doug the Dog seems pretty fond of her."

"Alright, but if she steals anything or breaks anything I'm holding you responsible."

Odette was all like, "Yeah whatever dude," and flipped the Templar off and headed into the Tower of Wizard Shit proper.  As she made her way towards the Library she overheard some gossips talking about the Hero of Feldspar.  That was her!  Unfortunately they were making a mockery of her by telling slanderous tales of how she had gotten it on with a lady pirate and some nugs.  Total bullshit!  The lady pirate had not liked the cut of Odette's jib and thus spurned her and Leliana's advances at the brothel known as The Pearl.  They'd legitimately just played cards and practiced dueling...nothing more, nothing less.

The Tower of Wizard Shit was not all outright lies and assassinations of her character.  She did happen to meet an old friend.  Enchantment! Enchantment! was at the Tower, enchanting things and selling his old man's wares.  After a brief conversation consisting primarily of the word "enchantment," Odette, Lego Lass and Doug the Dog went to the library and after a tremendous amount of jackassing around, found the book they needed, but they were accosted by some sort of wizard with OCD.

"Duuuuuuude....you're totally bending the spine too much!" the wizard said, "Do you know how rare books about Elf Mirrors are?"

"Yo guy, you know about this book?" Odette asked.

"I don't have it memorized or anything, but it's a book about magical elf mirrors," he said, "I'm Finn the Wizard by the way.  I have heals."

"Wanna join our party and hunt a witch?" Odette asked as soon as she heard that Finn the Wizard could cast heal.

"Okay.  We need to go talk to a statue in the basement first though."

"Sounds like a quest!" Odette declared and the party headed down into the basement.

There they battled sentinels and veil tears and finally found the talking statue.  The statue said some really confusing crap, but Finn the Wizard understood and was like, "Yo we need to find the Light of Allaman and also some shards of one of those mirrors and then we can find the other mirrors and hopefully that witch you're looking for."

"Cool," Lego Lass said, "Where should we look?"

"Well, the Light of Allaman is in the Calang Thang so I guess there."

  
  
The Calang Thang was pretty much every Deep Road dungeon Odette had been in, only this time she did not have a dwarf with her.  As the team made their way into the dungeon, Finn the Wizard declared that he needed to do maybe blood magic on Lego Lass so she could find the Light of Allaman because the elves of yore did zany elf magic on them where only other elves could see the Lights.  Lego Lass got stabbed or something and the party headed out.  They followed random wisps around and picked up some lanterns and some notes about Calang Thang and also killed some old timey elves and some darkspawns.  It was a pretty good time.  Finn the Wizard revealed that he hated going outside and also that he knew Andy from Andy's days at the Tower of Wizard Shit.

With the Lights collected the party made a b-line for some Elvish Ruins.  That's where the broken Elf Mirror was.  Inside there were elves that had that weird darkspawn zombie disease.  Odette and her crew wrecked their asses hardcore and then found the chunk of a mirror.  Finn the Wizard said that he would have to scry them together to find where the other mirrors were and as he did that piles of foemen attacked.  Odette, Doug, and Lego Lass really protected Finn the Wizard pretty well, but he was still like, "I got a scratch and my robe has a hole in it now...WAAAAAAAA!!!"

"Whatever dude, did your scrying work?" Odette asked.

"Yeah.  There's a mirror in the Dragonbone Wastes," Finn the Wizard said.

"Dragonbone Wastes?" Odette asked, before realizing what Finn the Wizard was talking about, "Oh!  You mean the Bone Zone!  I was just there recently and didn't see any Elf Mirror."

"Maybe it had that weird elf invisibility magic on it..." Finn the Wizard offered.

"Maybe it did!  C'mon guys!  To the Bone Zone!"

The Bone Zone had a lot fewer very hungry caterpillars, but a lot more cultists and dragons and big praying mantis elf dragon monster things.  Whatever was lurking in the bone zone it made no difference to Odette, since she'd kill the shit out of it anyway.  With a giant praying mantis elf dragon monster thing dead, Odette went into the building she was certain housed the Octo-Titty Demon's former lair.  This time around she was able to totally bypass the going down a million stairs part and instead just went directly to the Octo-Titty Demon's sludge pit.

In the middle of the sludge pit there was an island and on that island there was a elf mirror and in front of that elf mirror there was a witch of the wild.

"Hey when you confront her or whatever, can you ask about my book?" Lego Lass asked as Odette stepped forward to confront her friend.

"Stop right there.  Tis close enough," Sideboob intoned, "Another step and I shall step through this portal and you shall never see me again."

"Hello you too, Sideboob," Odette replied.

"I figured you would come searching for me."

Odette shrugged and asked, "Yeah, so what's the deal with these mirror things?  They're portals or something?  Where do they go?"

"So many questions.  Yes, they are portals or something.  As for where they go...somewhere beyond this realm...somewhere beyond even the Fade."

"That's cool I guess.  What about your kid?"

"He's fine...somewhere where you will never find him.  I need power and time to teach him so he will be ready for what will come."

"I didn't even know you had a son," Odette said somewhat hurt that her friend had not even sent a letter saying she'd had a baby boy.  Odette would have liked to get something for him: a diaper genie or a swing-a-majig or something.  She put on a brave face and asked, "Is he cute?  I mean you're really good looking, and I guess Brodude's not too shabby looking either, but I don't really know what Old God souls do to a baby's appearance."

The witch of the wilds smirked and said, "He is quite well formed."

Odette nodded approvingly and replied, "That's good.  It's always a shame when decent looking people somehow end up with a really ugly baby.  It happened to my brother and his wife, but I'm rambling...  So what's you game plan with this weird mirror deal?"

"It's kind of hard to explain, but Flemith's schemes involved far more than immortality.  She's not a malicar or an abomination...I'm not sure she's even human.  Anyway change is coming and I for one will be ready for it," Sideboob said.  The mirror before her reflected mists that shifted and swayed as the witch approached, "Odette, I must depart now.  Know that you have been a true friend to me...perhaps the only one I have ever truly had."

Odette understood and said, "Alright Sideboob, I guess this is goodbye then.  I hope we can see each other again sometime."

"Trust me, if you know what is coming you would not say such things.  Oh by the way I left that Danish book over there...and something else.  Something you might find very interesting. Merry Christmas, Odette...and Happy New Year..." and with that she stepped into the mists dancing within the mirror and vanished from sight.

**End Credits**


End file.
